feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
