if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
