I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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