i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
