last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
