I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
