we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
