I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
