WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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