hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
