can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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