Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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