i jhust puked up my retainher.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His nipple licking is glorious
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