I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
