I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
