if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
