it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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