somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
