saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
