on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
