3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
