You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
