I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
