Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
