I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
