Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
