rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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