Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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