I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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