what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
