there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
