i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
