the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
