i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
