best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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