Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
