she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
