My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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