I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
