Need sex. Gaining weight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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