I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
