On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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