That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
