She said her name was "party"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
