You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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