don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So vagazzling was a success
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
