The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
