Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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