Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
