Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize