The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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