She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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