My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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