DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
