I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
