Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
