just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
