looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
