absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is wine microwaveable?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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