if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
