somebody snuck up and got me drunk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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