she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize