the day after is always just damage control
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
