I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
