went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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