All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
