Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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