Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
