And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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