I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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