Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
