Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Are my feet made of real feet?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
