How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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