I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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