you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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